Posted in Relationships

The Right State of Mind

I was talking to two of my best friends about relationships (in general) earlier tonight. One of them told me that I am a “love guru”. It wasn’t the first time that I was called that, but I can’t help but chuckle a little every time someone calls me a love guru. Why? Well, because I’m not.

My friends tell me that I give good relationship advice. I didn’t consider them good, especially when I was still in a vulnerable state. Perhaps I only gave those words that they wanted to hear because I was trying to feel their pain, but really, I just wanted to make them happy. I sometimes didn’t take my own advice, knowing that I couldn’t do so.

Those poor advice-giving days halted once I went to psychotherapy in 2015. My doctor, through a workbook, taught me to always think with my wise mind. What’s a wise mind? Well, emotions + logic = wisdom. That’s what makes a wise mind. Well, being logical while considering feelings is hard, especially when feeling strong emotions at the moment. But it is possible. Trust me, I’ve done it.

Now, how does one do it? First, let the emotions fade a little before making big decisions. When your emotions are calmed down, try thinking logically. Try to think about the consequences of the things you’re about to do. Then, weigh your options: what do you think is the best thing to do for yourself and others? Try to think long term if you can. After that, execute it with caution.

Another thing I’ve learned with mindfulness is that things aren’t black and white. It’s like two things can be right and wrong at the same time. When arguing, two parties are both right and wrong in some points. It’s just all about perspective. The important thing is that both parties see that right and wrong about the arguments. That’s the right path to reconciliation.

I know these things I shared are hard to learn. I mean, I had to go undergo therapy just to realize those things. I had to unlearn things in the process, but hey, all the hard work was worth it. Now, I have better relationships, and I see the good in everything, even in myself.

I want you, yes you, to try these methods. These aren’t exact, since I forgot where my workbook and notes are. But I promise you, you’ll feel better about life when you try these.

Posted in Personal

Is It Too Late Now to Say Sorry?

One day, I told someone that I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. Today, I sort of regret saying that.

I hate ending relationships. I rarely do that, on purpose. So now, I’m swallowing my pride to say sorry to that person I ended things with.

Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t want to be friends with her again. But I miss our friendship sometimes. But I believe that things happen for a reason, and I know that I’m doing myself good by ending things with her. But we didn’t part well. That’s why I want to apologize to her. I might have hurt her, but I was hurt too.

When I get hurt, I get hurt a lot. This ex-friend of mine hurt me many times during our years of being “friends”. I’m sure I offended her a number of times, too. I do say that I’m sorry, but she doesn’t respond. I know that she’s having trials too, but I think that she should have been at least civil towards me…unless I’m the problem. I just got offended by her being not there when I needed her. That’s why I declared “friendship over”.

I know I have no right to reach out, but I just want to say sorry. As Justin Bieber’s song goes, “is it too late now to say sorry?” Well, is it?